Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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