hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Did I show you my penis last night?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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