shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
