you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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