Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Boobs are out for the taking
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
