Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
