she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
