so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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