I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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