Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
