5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
