My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I deserve this hangover.
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