Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
