Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
