About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
