i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
