I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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