he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
