Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Randomize
