Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
