U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
