ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
smell my finger.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
