haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
