There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
