Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
