im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
