Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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