porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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