so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
