he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
