soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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