i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
