i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
