As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
