I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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