If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
