what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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