Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
