im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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