There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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