The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
