you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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