I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
