Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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