my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
