you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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