Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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