shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just made my gag reflex go away.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
