I just made out with a guy for $7.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
