eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
