So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
