Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
