I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Drunk is not a location!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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